party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
