What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
