do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
