I think my vagina is haunted
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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