I love black thongs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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