so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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