when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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