a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
