before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
