Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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