Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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