It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
