I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
