Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
