i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
