So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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