I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
