Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
