Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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