The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
