Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
