how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
