She is in my trunk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
