his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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