you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
