I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
