My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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