So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
