I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
