would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
