Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
