i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
