The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
