u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
