just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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