Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
