and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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