she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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