i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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