I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
