Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
