Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
