i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They have beer where we have blood.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
