he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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