dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i believe in u and ur pee
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
