Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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