end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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