Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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