We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
