I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
