My cat gives me a boner
is wine microwaveable?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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