no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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