I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
